Getting help: respite, memory care, hospice and your own life
Almost every daughter caring for a parent with dementia reaches the question: can I keep doing this? Usually it arrives at night, after a fall or a scare, along with the guilt for asking it.
Asking isn't giving up. Dementia eventually needs more than one person can safely give, around the clock, without help. The help comes in steps, and you can take them in order: a few hours off through respite care or an adult day program, real jobs for your siblings, protecting your job, then memory care when home is no longer safe, and hospice when the time comes.
The guides below cover each step: what it is, who pays, how to ask for it and what to say. The last one is about you: the guilt, the anger and the grief that come with every choice, including the right ones.
If you're thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 now. The Alzheimer's Association 24/7 Helpline is 1-800-272-3900.
- Respite care for dementia caregivers: how to get a real breakRespite care gives you hours or days off while someone else looks after your parent. How to find it, what it costs, and what Medicare and the VA pay for.
- Siblings not helping with parent with dementia: what to do nextStop asking for help in general. Give each sibling a named job, run one short family meeting, share a care log, and plan around anyone who still says no.
- Caring for a parent with dementia while working full timeHow to keep your job while caring for a parent with dementia: FMLA basics, state paid leave, what to tell your manager, and what to ask before you quit.
- When is it time for memory care? The signs, and what to do nextIt's time for memory care when she can't be left alone safely or home care is breaking your health. The signs to watch, what to rule out, and what to do.
- How to tell mom she's moving to memory care, and the first 30 daysHow to tell mom she's moving to memory care: when to say it, the exact words, moving day, the first 30 days and how often to visit once she's settling in.
- When is it time for hospice with dementia? Signs and next stepsIt's time to ask about hospice when the doctor thinks your parent may have six months or less. Late-stage signs, Medicare's rules and what hospice does.
- Caregiver guilt and dementia: what it is and what helpsCaregiver guilt in dementia is the sense you're failing even while you do it all. What to do after you snap, about resentment, placement and after a death.
