Dementia caregiving guides
Short, practical answers to the problems caregivers say nobody warned them about.
What to say
- What to say to someone with dementia, and what not to sayAnswer the feeling, not the facts. Word-for-word lines for confusion, delusions and repeated questions, plus the phrases that usually start fights.
- My mom with dementia accuses me of stealing: what to doDon't argue or defend yourself. What to say when a parent with dementia accuses you of stealing, where lost things hide, and when to call the doctor.
- Dementia patient wants to go home but is home: what to do"Home" usually means feeling safe. What to say when she wants to go home but is home or in memory care, plus calls, visits and when to call the doctor.
- Dementia repeating the same question: why it happens, what to sayShe isn't doing it on purpose. Why a parent with dementia asks the same question over and over, word-for-word answers that calm her, and what to try.
- Dementia aggression toward caregiver: what to do when he lashes outStep back, lower your voice, don't argue. What to do when a parent with dementia gets aggressive, what to say, when to call 911, and when it's medical.
- Dementia hallucinations: what to do when he sees thingsDon't argue about what he sees. What to do about dementia hallucinations, calm words that work, how to fix the room, and when to call his doctor today.
- Therapeutic lying in dementia care: when a fib is kindIs it OK to lie to someone with dementia? When a gentle fib spares her pain, where the line is, and what to say instead of hard truths she can't use.
Daily care
- Sundowning: what to do when evenings fall apartSundowning is late-day confusion in dementia. What to do in the moment, words that calm her, a daytime plan for easier evenings, and when to call.
- Dementia wandering at night: how to keep her safeWhy dementia wandering at night happens, how to set up door alarms and ID, what to say at 3 a.m., and what to do in the first 15 minutes if she's missing.
- Dementia refuses to shower: why it happens and what worksWhen a parent with dementia refuses to shower, it's usually fear, cold or embarrassment. What to say, how to set up the bathroom, and what counts as clean.
- Dementia not eating: why it happens and what to try firstWhy a parent with dementia stops eating, what to try at the next meal, which signs need the doctor, and what changes in the late stage. With scripts.
- Dementia incontinence: what to do, what to say, what to buySudden accidents can be a UTI, so call the doctor. Then a bathroom schedule, easy clothes, the right products, and what to say when he refuses Depends.
- Dementia patient refuses to take medication: what to try firstWhen a parent with dementia refuses pills, stop and try again later. What to say, what to ask the pharmacist, and why to ask before crushing or hiding.
- How to stop a parent with dementia from drivingLet his doctor, a driving evaluation or the DMV say no, and line up rides first. The warning signs, scripts, and what to do about the car keys.
Doctors and money
- Parent with dementia refuses to go to the doctor: what to doWhen a parent with dementia refuses the doctor: why she can't see it, how to get her there, the letter to send, and power of attorney before it's too late.
- Stages of dementia: what to expect and what to plan forEarly, middle and late stage dementia: what each looks like day to day, what to put in place at each stage, and what's known about how long they last.
- How to pay for memory care: Medicare, Medicaid, VA and insuranceMedicare doesn't pay for memory care. Here's how families pay: her savings, Medicaid waivers, VA Aid and Attendance, insurance, the house, and who to call.
Getting help
- Respite care for dementia caregivers: how to get a real breakRespite care gives you hours or days off while someone else looks after your parent. How to find it, what it costs, and what Medicare and the VA pay for.
- Siblings not helping with parent with dementia: what to do nextStop asking for help in general. Give each sibling a named job, run one short family meeting, share a care log, and plan around anyone who still says no.
- Caring for a parent with dementia while working full timeHow to keep your job while caring for a parent with dementia: FMLA basics, state paid leave, what to tell your manager, and what to ask before you quit.
- When is it time for memory care? The signs, and what to do nextIt's time for memory care when she can't be left alone safely or home care is breaking your health. The signs to watch, what to rule out, and what to do.
- How to tell mom she's moving to memory care, and the first 30 daysHow to tell mom she's moving to memory care: when to say it, the exact words, moving day, the first 30 days and how often to visit once she's settling in.
- When is it time for hospice with dementia? Signs and next stepsIt's time to ask about hospice when the doctor thinks your parent may have six months or less. Late-stage signs, Medicare's rules and what hospice does.
- Caregiver guilt and dementia: what it is and what helpsCaregiver guilt in dementia is the sense you're failing even while you do it all. What to do after you snap, about resentment, placement and after a death.